Can a Therapist Who’s a Different Gender (or Different in Other Ways) Really Help me?

So, Your therapist doesn’t have the same gender as you. 

Or come from where you’re from.

Do you wonder if they “get you”?  For instance, you may be asking, can I really feel comfortable, heard, and understood with a male therapist? Will he really get where I’m coming from? It’s important that you feel you can trust your therapist so it’s good to be open about questions you may have. 

Will it matter to your treatment if the person who helps you isn’t a gender, racial, religious, cultural, or sexual orientation, match?

Maybe you feel strange admitting that you notice the differences between you. Or that they affect your perception of the treatment you’ll receive.

The world is pretty sensitive right now. But it’s okay to talk about it. Differences in any realm often make us uneasy. You needn’t be afraid to admit it or give it some thought. Especially when it comes to your mental health.

The truth is, our differences are headline news and political slogans these days… and so are their exploitation.

Yet, when it comes to suffering, worry, or the headaches and heartaches of a life or relationship in trouble, we’re all more alike than we take the time to realize. And more able to help each other than we understand.

What’s vital in your search for a therapist is determining who can help you best.

Fortunately, it doesn’t take a gender or cultural match to give you an opportunity to find the relief you’ve been looking for. Why’s that?

Let’s break it down into a few key parts:

1. Therapists are actively trained to understand and address differences 

Your therapist is a human being first. They relate on that level with intention and then, from a place of knowledge and expertise. They are trained professionals whose goal is to hear you and help you heal.  Your therapist goes through a lot of training to learn how to understand people who are very different from them. They learn about different cultures, both ethnic cultures and family cultures. For instance, they spend time studying gender differences, how men and women have different life experiences and how these life experiences impact them.  Therapists also study differences among different identity groups and also individual differences. Equally important, therapists in training also spend a lot of time working to understand their own reactions to differences among people so they can be more effective with a variety of clients. Therapists who are committed to being really effective with their clients never stop learning about diversity and differences. 

2. Therapists’ differences may add to their effectiveness and helpfulness.

Your therapists being different from you, whether a different gender or other identity variable can actually be helpful. They may ask you questions you hadn’t considered. Or, they may bring in an outside perspective that helps you shift a way of viewing things that hasn’t been that helpful to you.

3. Therapist effectiveness

 In addition, studies on gender matching and studies on ethnicity matching for therapist-client pairs show that matching isn’t the most important determinant of client satisfaction and the effectiveness of therapy.  Decades of research on therapy tells us that what matters most to client satisfaction and effectiveness of therapy are the working alliance. This is broadly defined as agreement on goals, agreement on tasks, and the bond between therapist and client. 

Therapists who are sensitive to cultural and gender differences and trained well are able to build strong bonds with clients who differ from them and address and resolve differences that impact the relationship.  From the client perspective, it’s important to bring up any differences or identity variables that you feel aren’t being addressed and that are important to you. 

Finally,  when researching your options, know that a therapist with compassion, sensitivity, and the appropriate training, regardless of their gender, ethnicity, religious background or other differences,  can definitely “get you.” Someone receptive to your concerns and willing to work toward your goals is the therapeutic fit you need.

Furthermore, if your therapist demonstrates that they value your faith, ethnicity, cultural concerns, and your life experiences, they can discuss them with you professionally and respectfully and you will be able to enjoy an effective and rewarding relationship.

Chanderbhan Psychological Services

About: Chanderbhan Psychological Services is a therapy practice located in Laredo, Texas. We help individuals and couples who are struggling in different areas of their lives gain the clarity they need to grow and change. We also offer telehealth to individuals located in the wider State of Texas.  To read blogs on mental health and relationships, visit our website.