Love Your Partner, Love Your Kids…but Don’t Lose Yourself

When you’re in a strong relationship and have a family you love, it’s easy to totally immerse yourself in everyone else’s needs, wants, and even personalities.

Loving your partner and kids is important. It’s second nature for most women. However, it’s not uncommon for some women to lose their identity in the process.

Do you give so much of yourself to your family that you start to forget who you truly are and what you value in yourself? It's easy to lose yourself in relationships, particularly relationships you value.

It doesn’t have to be that way. You don’t have to compromise your identity to have a loving relationship and a strong bond with your children.

Striking a balance can make a big difference in how you feel. It will boost your confidence, remind you of who you were before you got married or had kids. Those are qualities you need to share authentically with your family. More importantly, they’re qualities that will make you feel complete and fulfilled.

So, how can you reclaim your identity while staying fully involved with your partner and family?

Don’t Stop Your Hobbies

It’s not uncommon for women – especially mothers – to give up some of the things they enjoy after having kids. Some women even end up quitting their hobbies altogether once they get into a relationship.

Whether you retired some of your favorite activities long ago or you just haven’t had time for them in a while, it may be time to make them a priority now. Do some of the things you always used to enjoy. You might find that you can pick them back up again quickly.

Things like exercising, painting, cooking, or writing are all great hobbies that can reduce stress and help you feel more like yourself again.

On the other hand, it could be a perfect time to start a new hobby and “find” yourself in something completely different. The goal should be to start doing things you truly enjoy without influence from anyone else.

Spend Time Apart

Do you ever feel like you spend just about every waking moment with your partner or kids? Even if you love every second spent with them, it’s important to spend some time on your own.

Take time each day to do something just for yourself. You might simply walk around your neighborhood in the morning, grab an afternoon latte at your favorite coffee shop, or meet up with friends for dinner one night each week.

By spending time away from your partner and kids, you’re encouraging independence and growth for everyone.

When it comes to your relationship, spending time apart can actually make you feel closer together. You can talk about your separate interests and enjoy your hobbies and friendships, recognizing that you both have separate identities.

Taking time for yourself also prioritizes your feelings. No more putting them on the back burner. Just allowing space for your own emotions can make you more certain about what you want and need in your relationship. As a result, you’re more likely to be an effective communicator with your partner.

Don’t Be Afraid to Speak Up

No one likes conflict. It’s never fun to argue with your partner or butt heads with your kids. But, if you find that you habitually keep your thoughts and opinions to yourself, ask yourself why.  Are you continually keeping the peace? Not sharing differences in opinion can cause you to lose your voice and a sense of what’s important to you.

Relationships – including the ones with your children – need to be open and vulnerable. They need to dip beneath the surface, revealing real feelings and emotions. When you aren’t afraid to speak up and stand for what you believe in, you’ll maintain your identity. Your partner will feel safe to do the same. You’ll also teach your kids an important life lesson about staying true to who they are.

Losing yourself in your relationship or family isn’t part of loving them. You deserve to be as much yourself as they do. You’ll all benefit greatly. Keep this in mind, rediscover who you are, and make your true identity a gift you cherish daily.

Chanderbhan Psychological Services

About: Chanderbhan Psychological Services is a therapy practice located in Laredo, Texas. We help individuals and couples who are struggling in different areas of their lives gain the clarity they need to grow and change. We also offer video counseling services to individuals located in the wider State of Texas. To read blogs on mental health and relationships, visit our website