Emotional Stages Men Experience After Divorce

Going through a divorce can often feel like an emotional rollercoaster. It impacts men just as much as it does women. Unfortunately, men more often feel they have to hide those painful emotions.  

Even if your divorce is friendly, there’s no denying it’s a loss. As a man, it’s okay to grieve that loss and go through various emotional stages before you start to heal and move forward with your life.

Let’s take a closer look at some of the emotional stages men experience after divorce and what you can do to make your way through them in healthy, effective ways. 

Shock, Denial, and Guilt

Sometimes, it’s easy to see a divorce coming. Maybe you and your spouse have been unhappy for years. Maybe you’ve even talked about separating before, but it took this long for one of you to actually make it happen. 

Still, whether you “predicted” your divorce or not, it can still be a shocking experience, leading to denial that it really happened. Things might come out in your divorce that you didn’t expect, including accusations, financial or custody issues, and more. 

Unfortunately, men often take the blame when it comes to divorce issues. Whether it’s justified or not, you might be worried that “the world” or even those close to you will assume you were at fault. You might even start questioning yourself and your behaviors and dealing with extreme guilt and self-blame. That kind of blow to your self-esteem can contribute to other unhealthy thoughts.

Anger and Loneliness

Guilt often lays out a path toward anger. No one likes to feel the burden of guilt and shame forever, so you might start to shift toward frustration and resentment. You might even start to lash out at family members or friends who are trying to support you. 

However, that’s one of the worst things you can do and one of the unhealthiest ways to cope. Lashing out at the people who love you can push them away and make it easier for you to isolate yourself. Isolation and loneliness can create a vicious cycle within your healing process, fostering anxious thoughts and depression. 

Loneliness can become even worse when you spend too much time by yourself and recognize how much things have changed. You don’t live with your spouse anymore. You might not have kids running around the house the way you used to. 

Sometimes this loneliness causes men to close themselves off. Sometimes it leads them to form new romantic relationships too quickly and they find these relationships may be unhealthy or not fully meet their needs. 

It’s important to slow down and acknowledge your feelings. Focus on healthy outlets like exercise. And seek support from family and friends. 

Dealing With Triggers

With the right help and dedication to moving forward, you’ll be able to work through the emotional stages at your own pace. But you should expect that you’ll have to deal with triggers for a while. 

If you had children with your former spouse, they’ll never really be out of your life. You’ll have to co-parent with them, and something as simple as seeing their face or talking to them might be challenging if your divorce is contentious. 

Other triggers can include certain places you went with your spouse, songs, objects, or even the house you live in. Learning how to manage your emotions through those triggers is important. Thankfully, you don’t have to do it alone. 

No matter what emotional stage you’re in, understand that just because you’re a man doesn’t mean you have to push your feelings down. Divorce is difficult. You don’t have to work through your emotions on your own. 

If you’re going through a divorce or you recently finalized one, and you’re struggling with your feelings, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Working with a therapist can help you process your feelings, recognize areas you may want to change, learn to cope in healthy ways, and, when the time is right,  move forward to build a healthy new relationship.

Chanderbhan Psychological Services

About: Chanderbhan Psychological Services is a therapy practice located in Laredo, Texas. We help individuals and couples who are struggling in different areas of their lives gain the clarity they need to grow and change. We also offer telehealth to individuals located in the wider State of Texas.  To read blogs on mental health and relationships, visit our website.