Grieving During The Holidays
It’s that time of year again, when we gather with your family and friends to celebrate for Christmas, Hanukkah, we attend office parties and posadas. Typically, at this time of year, we write a blog about how to cope with holiday stress or difficult family members. But this year we wanted to tackle a different topic. During this time of family gatherings and frenetic social activity, those of us who are grieving a loss often get overlooked. Sometimes the loss is recent and fresh. But sometimes it may be a long-ago loss, a parent or sibling. Sometimes it’s a less obvious loss like grieving a divorce or a pregnancy loss and the life you planned. Whatever the case, as we go through this holiday season, know that we see you and we hope we can offer some words of comfort and guidance for navigating the holidays when you’re grieving.
Acknowledge the loss
There’s a big temptation during the holidays to busy ourselves with the franticness of shopping, cooking, and parties. It’s much more fun to focus on these things than thinking about the emptiness and the sadness of a loss. And sometimes we tell ourselves that we shouldn’t focus on sad things and use this as a reason to avoid reflecting on our loss. But it’s important to acknowledge that this time of year will be more difficult: the loss you’re grieving will be highlighted by the memories that come up and the togetherness associated with this time of year. Remind yourself that the feelings that come up may be painful but ultimately, they’re feelings and they pass.
Give yourself spaces in your togetherness to process your feelings
Grief often hits us at unexpected moments. But during the busyness of the holiday season, it’s important to give yourself quiet time to let those feelings come up. This may look different for different people. Whether it’s accepting fewer social invitations or reducing your holiday volunteer commitments, make sure there’s more space in your schedule. That gives you time to decompress and let those feelings that are there come up. Take a walk or go for a run. Have a cup of tea or write in a journal, whatever feels calming for you.
Embrace what’s present
While it’s important to give ourselves space to grieve what’s lost, it’s important not to lose ourselves in those feelings. Sometimes we let our losses weigh us down so much, we get stuck in the past. It’s important to find a balance between grieving the past and connecting with the present. Avoid the temptation to isolate yourself. Be intentional about choosing what activities and events you want to invest your time in this holiday season. Choose activities and events that feel meaningful and that refill your cup. Take a moment to step back and acknowledge the good things in your life. Gratitude for the present can feel like a difficult thing to pull off in the midst of loss but it’s important for our emotional health. And finally, remember, the future is wide open. Our losses are painful and they shape us but they’re not the end of our story.
Happy Holidays from Chanderbhan Psychological Services. We wish you a holiday season filled with peace, love, warmth, and connection.
Chanderbhan Psychological Services
About: Chanderbhan Psychological Services is a therapy practice located in Laredo, Texas. We help individuals and couples who are struggling in different areas of their lives gain the clarity they need to grow and change. We also offer telehealth to individuals located in the wider State of Texas. To read blogs on mental health and relationships, visit our website.
