8 Important Questions to Ask When Dating
Dating can be fun, exciting, and even overwhelming at times. Whether you’re going on multiple dates trying to meet that special person or dating one individual for a while, it’s natural to want to know more about them. After all, most people date intending to take things further and get into something more serious with the right person.
However, it’s easy to be blinded by butterflies and the excitement that comes from the dating scene. So, no matter what stage you’re in, it’s essential to take a step back and ask some important questions. The right questions will help you learn a lot about a person and might even help you learn a bit more about yourself. Let’s cover a few of them.
1. What Are You Looking For?
One of the most important questions you can ask someone is what they’re looking for in a relationship. While everything doesn’t have to match perfectly, it’s important to be on the same general path, or you’ll have conflict later. If your answers don’t line up, it can save you a lot of time and pain.
2. What Are Your Love Languages?
While this might not be a “first date” question, knowing someone’s love language will help you learn a lot about them without having to ask a dozen follow-up questions. You’ll better understand how to show them you care, and you can expect the same in return. Taking the 5 love languages quiz and discussing it with a dating partner can be a fun, informative way to deepen your knowledge and understanding of each other.
3. What Were Your Past Relationships Like?
Not everyone likes to dive into their pasts, especially regarding failed relationships. However, you can learn a lot about a person by what they’ve been through. Getting their perspective on why a relationship might have ended or what they could’ve done differently will give you better insight into what they’re used to and what they really want.
4. What Are Your Plans for the Future?
Your dating life shouldn’t feel like a job interview. But, it can be fun to ask someone you’re seeing where they see themselves in the next five years. This gives you another opportunity to determine if your future paths line up or if you’re willing to change your plans.
5. What’s the Best Relationship Advice You’ve Ever Received?
People are very quick to give out relationship advice (whether they should or not). Hearing what the “best” advice someone you’re dating has ever gotten will give you a clue into what they think is important in a relationship. Plus, it can be a fun way to start a conversation and learn more about what you both really want, prioritize, and value.
6. What’s Your Communication Style?
Speaking of conversations, consider asking your partner how they communicate. They might not be able to give you a title or specific name for their style, but the more you both talk about it, the easier it will be to understand each other’s styles, which can spark deeper conversations and greater intimacy.
7. What Do You Value Most?
This can feel like a loaded question, so it might be something you wait to ask after a few dates with the same person. It takes some time to think about what we really value most, but it will also tell you a lot about someone’s priorities.
Some people value their work or success. Others value things like family. Some value free time and travel. There’s no right answer, in general. But, you might prefer some answers over others.
8. What Do You Like About Relationships?
Even if you’re just casually dating, it can be fun to ask someone you’re with what they like about relationships. What makes them want to put themselves out there and date people? This is a great question to break the ice, but it can also be used in a more serious relationship to learn what makes the person you care about really tick. That doesn’t necessarily mean a relationship with you, but romantic relationships, in general.
There are so many important questions to ask when dating, but these are a few that can help you spark conversation and learn a lot more about people and what you truly want in a relationship.
9. Does What I See Match What I’m Hearing?
This last question is a question not for your partner, but for you. It’s easy to focus on what we want to hear in dating relationships, to practice “selective hearing”. But it’s helpful to step back from our dating relationships and look at our partner’s behavior. Similar to how you mute a video and watch the action and you can still tell what’s happening, mute your partner and focus on their actions Does what what they’re telling you about what’s imporant to them and their plans for the future and those other big questions actually align with their choices? For instance, has your dating partner told you that they value family and spending time with family but they constantly work long hours, cancel dates and family plans to meet work deadlines? If so, you might want to figure out if they’re telling you want they think you want to hear, or they don’t know themselves very well. Either way, it’s important to pay attention to this.
Chanderbhan Psychological Services
About: Chanderbhan Psychological Services is a therapy practice located in Laredo, Texas. We help individuals and couples who are struggling in different areas of their lives gain the clarity they need to grow and change. We also offer telehealth to individuals located in the wider State of Texas. To read blogs on mental health and relationships, visit our website.