Every year our practice posts a New Year’s blog. We spend all year sitting with people unhappy with some part of their lives: relationships, self-worth, the city in which they live, career, and struggling to change it. 

And the  new  year is the time for change; it’s fresh and new. It’s typically the time we all decide, “This is it, I'm tired of this, and this is the year I'm finally going to change it.”

But surveys tell us that, three months into the year, most of us have abandoned our resolutions, leaving us feeling defeated and frustrated.

So, how do we move towards the changes we want in our lives without falling into frustration and defeat? 

Clearly the old way isn't working.

But we don’t have a magic pill for you either. 

But…through our work helping people grow in different parts of their lives, we have learned that what works best is an approach that balances the need for change with compassion for ourselves, a growth perspective.  

A growth perspective

Growth is slow and gradual. Growth is watching a plant grow. You can't always see the changes, but underneath the surface, changes are happening that will ultimately produce visible changes above the ground.

Adopting a growth perspective means focusing on the process and not on outcomes. A growth perspective encourages us to focus on the path to our goal, as opposed to becoming consumed with our goal. Growth is hard and a growth perspective helps us to cope better with the frustration and disappointment that are inevitable. 

Getting started

Choose an area you want to grow in in the New Year. Is it your role as a partner? Professional? Your physical health? Your mental health?  Think about where you are now in this area. And then think about how you want to show up differently in this area in the coming year. Is it making more time for your partner? Being less critical of yourself? Frame the change positively. Be as specific as you can.  Being less critical of myself will become, “I want to engage in more compassionate self-talk with myself”. 

Choose a small step you can take to grow in this area? Think of a small step that’s realistic for you to do.  What would you need to shift in your life to make that happen? What would it look like if that happens? If we continue with our growth area of increasing self-compassionate self-talk, the shift might be that at the end of each day you’ll write down one thing you did well, that you’re proud of.

The journey 

Now, set check-ins with yourself to examine your progress. This is where a growth perspective can be really helpful. If you find you’re struggling to get started or you got started and started backsliding, validate the effort you made, even if you’re just validating making the commitment. Remind yourself why you want to grow in this area, why it’s important to you. Examine why you didn’t start or you backslid. Work on tackling those things. So, in our self-compassionate self-talk example, maybe, I started out great but then I got busy. Would setting reminders on my phone help? Do I need to schedule it on my calendar? 

Staying motivated

Most importantly, don’t beat up on yourself and engage in self-criticism. Be compassionate with yourself while holding yourself accountable for the growth you want. Growth is hard. It will take time. Don’t give up. Focus on your successes, however small you may think they are, to help motivate yourself to keep going. Adopting a growth perspective might not be that miracle pill we all want but it’s a perspective that will help motivate us to keep growing in the ways we want to. 

Here at Chanderbhan Psychological Services, we’re always here to support you. As we move into 2024, we’re sending you love, peace, and encouragement,  whatever your journey might be. 

About: Chanderbhan Psychological Services is a therapy practice located in Laredo, Texas. We help individuals and couples who are struggling in different areas of their lives gain the clarity they need to grow and change. We also offer telehealth to individuals located in the wider State of Texas.  To read blogs on mental health and relationships, visit our website.